Ser Kenneth Coyn

[Ser Kenneth Coyn]

1) Character Name: Ser Kenneth Coyn

2) Character's Name Year (Age): 580 (age 20)

3) Character's House: Coyn




4) Character's House Sworn to: Highest Bidder

5) Character Reputation:

6) Character Skills

Grand Master: Long Blades
Master: Lance +++
Master: Battle+
Expert: Persuasion
Noteworthy: Charm
Noteworthy: Intrigue
Noteworthy: Tracking
Apprentice: Hand to Hand
Apprentice: Deception
Apprentice : Animal Handling
Apprentice : Valaryian

9) Character Personal History:
Ser Kenneth Coyn is the third son of a landed knight sworn to the Florents of Brightwater. Kenneth's father Ser Andrew Coyn served with Lord Tomas Florent at the battle of Pyke and was rewarded for his efforts with a small fief of about 30 wooded acres south of Brightwater on the Honeywine River. Kenneth's father built a small holdfast along the road constructed during the time of Francis Varner's regency. A few families live on the land to upkeep a small inn and tavern and hunt and trap the lands.

Kenneth's mother died when he was very young and her death had a profound impact on his father who withdrew to the comfort of the bottle. Kenneth's eldest brother, Ser Patrick, 8 years his elder, took over mentoring his younger brother and ensured he received martial training and swore his knightly vows. Kenneth's other brother, Heathcliff went to study at the Citadel to forge his chain and still lives at the Citadel.

When his father died last spring, Kenneth inherited nothing, but his brother Patrick borrowed money to provide Kenneth with a second hand courser, some modified half plate, a long sword and a handful of training lances.

So armed with these things the young Kenneth went out on his own to find his fortune and fame in the lands of Westeros.

Kenneth travels with a bard name the Astonishing Jonathon Biggs, a dwarf Kenneth rescued from a group of highwaymen on the road to Brightwater. Despite Kenneth’s protests to the contrary the Dwarf insists that he travels with the young knight until comes a time where he is able to repay his debts.

Kenneth is looking for adventure the ability to test his martial arts and make a name for himself as a noble warrior. With the bard Biggs' help their should be many tales but will they be filled with tales or heroism or disappointment?

10) Character Physical Description: Kenneth is a handsome man, tall with curly brown hair and a full goatee, he dresses plainly with a simple tunic which display's his house's banner a Fighting Red Cock on blue field.

[Ser Kenneth Coyn]

7) Character's Second

The Astonishing Jonathon Biggs, age 22 (born 578).

Grand Master: Storytelling/ Oration
Master+: Small Blades
Master: Deception
Master+: Espionage
Expert: Charm
Expert: Singing
Noteworthy: Drinking
Apprentice: Dancing


8) Character's Followers
Brandon RedRivers, Sellsword Sergeant former Traitor Son
-Expert Spear
-Expert Land Battle (+Battle of Pentos Norvos Road)

Codswallow, Blacksmith of Oldtown
-Master Smithing

Sondrat, Accountant of Lorath
-Expert Steward
-Noteworthy Deception

Lysette, the Lysenni Whore
-Master Charm
-Expert Espionage
Ex Followers:
Iagon Yuroar, Lyseni Sellsword (died 599)

[Ser Kenneth Coyn]

Ser Kenneth Coyn and the Astonishing Jonathon Biggs, 598 A.C

Ser Kenneth Coyn, the third son of Ser Andrew Coyn of Birchwood, had been traveling for about three days on the Honeyholt road before he stumbled upon a Dwarf in a very curious predicament, and when I say curious I mean downright strange, but more on that in a second.

The young Knight outfitted with some secondhand armor and a courser about five years past his prime was enroute to Honeyholt for a tournament that Travis, that's the local Innkeeper, had heard from his sister's butcher's cousin's once removed friend's brother who happened to overhear the servant of Lord Beesbury say was being held soon to honor the King.

What Travis's sister's butcher's cousin once removed, friend's brother had not heard was that the tourney was being held in King's Landing and that anyone of any importance at Honeyholt had left weeks ago. . . but I digress.

Ser Kenneth being young and feeling pretty good about his second hand armor and second rate courser, had meant to enter in that tourney and win, since despite his age Ser Kenneth was actually a pretty good jouster, and start his rise as a famous knight of the Far Reach.

As he traveled along the road the last thing Ser Kenneth thought he would see is a dwarf, that's the Astonishing Jonathon Biggs in case you didn't know, half naked in a tree surrounded by three of the most ornery rascals this side of the Mander River.

Being a curious sort and a man of honor, young Ser Kenneth decided to ask what the trouble was and he quickly learned from the men that they were angry about something the Dwarf had said about the larger man's mother, something about how his mother was so ugly that when she took a bath the water jumped out, but again I digress.

It turned out that when the man took Jonathon's joke seriously he had tried to flee up the tree but the other man had gotten a hold of the dwarfs pants and pulled them and his small clothes right off before the Dwarf had climbed too high for them to follow.

Which led the group to the current predicament, a half naked dwarf with all his bits blowing freely in the wind and three angry men yelling for him to come down and take his beating.

Now Ser Kenneth being a reasonable man had tried to persuade the men to let the Dwarf go as it was clearly just a joke, but the men would have nothing of it and told Ser Kenneth to mind his own, excuse my language, fucking business or they'd give him a beating too.

Being a Knight and all, sworn to protect those weaker then himself, Ser Kenneth decided to intervene and soon was caught in a pretty good fist fight with two of the men as the third went to work with a wood axe on the tree Jonathon was clinging too.

Ser Kenneth had managed a few lucky blows but was getting the worse of the fight until the tree that Jonathon was in came crashing down and caught and pinned the two fellas fighting Ser Kenneth to the ground.

The Astonishing Jonathon Biggs being a nimble sort of Dwarf had luckily jumped out of the tree and fallen on the man with the axe knocking him out cold.

The pair wisely decided not to stick around for the men to free themselves from the tree or the bigger fella to wake up so they took off on their horses as if the Stranger himself was coming after them.

Now the Astonishing Jonathon Biggs was so thankful to the young knight for sticking up to him that he said he would follow the knight and tell stories and sing songs about his bravery as long as he did breathe, which given the Dwarves tendency to insult rather large fellas might not be that long.

Results:
Ser Kenneth increases to Expert Long blades (RP)
Ser Kenneth increases to Apprentice Hand to Hand
Jonathon Biggs increases to Expert Short Blades (RP)
Jonathon Biggs increases to Apprentice Storytelling

[Ser Kenneth Coyn]

The True Story of the Bloody Chicken Company Part 1, 598 A.C

What you want to hear the tale of the Bloody Chicken Company? Can't say I blame you. . . its a queer tale and one to bring a chuckle or two for sure, maybe if you buy me an ale or two or three I'll sit down and share it with you all.

Thanks that ale really hits the spot, it doesn't taste like piss like some of the other taverns I've stayed. So where were we? Ahh yes the story of the Bloody Chickens. . . but with such a strange tale where does an old man start?

The begining you say. . . hah we've got a clever group tonight. . . well thats right but where does something so peculiar truly begin?

At that hovel of a holdfast Ser Kenneth was born at. . . that clearing in the wood where Ser Kenneth and the Astonishing Jonathon Biggs tricked twenty men into thinking that the two of them were a hundred men strong?

What you heard it was only ten men? Are you telling the story here or am I? Thats what I thought now sit down and keep your trap shut.

Cause no matter what you've heard before this is the True story of how the Bloody Chickens came to be.

Now most bards think that the bloody chickens started in that clearing I was talking about earlier but I friends know better.

Ser Kenneth and Jonathon didn't have a rat's ass notion of how to start a sell sword company and even if they had Ser Kenneth wouldn't of been foolish enough to hire twenty men without so much as a dragon to his name.

It was twenty men sir and if you interupt my story again I'll shove my size seven boot so far up your arse you'll be birthing a baby cow.

No, Ser Kenneth was pretty much penniless save for that second rate courser and his father's castle forged long sword but the lad had a plan and like most plans it went horribly asunder pretty early on but thats how life is sometimes.

When Ser Kenneth arrived in Honeyholt he found out that Lord Beesbury was away in King's Landing so his plan of paying his men with his tournament winnings fell to shit pretty quick.

So what did Ser Kenneth do? Well like any man hard up on his luck he turned those twenty men in for banditry and collected a sizable reward. Yeah it turned out that one of the men actually had a sizable bounty on his head.

How much of a bounty? I don't know how much its not really relevant to the story. . .

Alright. . . alright he got a golden dragon for the lot of them.
What do you mean thats too little? Fine he got three dragons. . . Happy now? Can I continue or are we going to have to negotiate the price of cockels in Braavos too?

Now Ser Kenneth being a resourceful young Knight and there being no shortage of bandits around that part decided to try his hand as a bounty hunter, he proved quite good at it too.

He and the Astonishing Jonathon Biggs got a silver stag for every bandit they turned in and they split it right down the middle cause thats what friends do. Sure it wasn't as glorious as Ser Kenneth had imagined when he left home for that tourney in Honeyholt but it kept their bellies full and their wits sharp.

No my friends, like so many men, Ser Kenneth's life was about to be changed by a woman. Specifically a certain minor Lordling's daughter that her father claimed was kidnapped. What happened on that adventure is how the Bloody Chicken's were founded but that my friend is another tale and will cost you another ale.

Results:
Ser Kenneth gains Deception Beginner (RP)
Ser Kenneth Improves Persuasion to Noteworthy (RP)
Jonathon Biggs improves Deception to Noteworthy (RP)
Jonathon Biggs improves Story Telling to Apprentice

[Ser Kenneth Coyn]

The True Story of the Bloody Chicken Company Pt. 2

What happened after Ser Kenneth and the Astonishing Jonathon Biggs rescued the Lady Webber you ask?

Well it's quite a tale and I'll be happy to tell it after I get something to warm my belly. I'll just be a minute folks gotta get my coin purse. . .

Say brother could you spare a couple of stars? Seems I left my coin purse in my other pants. . . Mother have mercy, I am much obliged sir, much obliged.

Mmmm this pie is delicious, but course you already knew that as your all regulars but I dawdle. . . now where was I?

Ah yes. . . well its well known that after Ser Kenneth and Jonathon fought their way into the Thorns bandit camp and rescued the Lady Webber from her kidnappers that her father Lord Webber gave the Knight a tidy sum, and when I say tidy I mean enough Gold Dragons for Ser Kenneth to pay back his brother's loans, properly equip himself and hire on some men to form his Bloody Chicken Company.

And this my friends is where most storytellers would skip ahead to our heroes' lives in the free cities but not I. I my friends have a particularly clever tale of how the Astonishing Jonathon Biggs made twenty golden dragons disappear and then come back with thirty.

After visiting with the Blacksmith Codswallow, well I don't know if that was his given name but thats what the man went by, Ser Kenneth went to see about arranging for travel to the free cities while Jonathon was given a large portion of the Dragons to see about hiring on some men.

Why'd he let the Dwarf do it? Well I don't rightly know, they were fast friends by now and Ser Kenneth was a trusting soul, I reckon.

Well Jonathon went to a tavern on the harbor that Codswallow had reccommended for finding the sort of men that might be interested in hiring on with a Knight and a Dwarf.

What was it called? Umm . . . yes well it was called um . . . Has anyone been to Oldtown before? No. . . well then it was called The Smelly Wench. . . and had a reputation for being one of the rougher taverns in the city. In fact I think its since burned down, but that is another story for another time.

So Jonathon entered The Smelly Wench and deciding since he had been on the road for so long it wouldn't hurt to have a drink or two or ten and was soon well on his way to being pissed.

As I am sure many of you know being pissed is not the best time to be making monetary decisions and the Drunken Dwarf had soon been convinced to play the game of Hazard with a hussler named Haymaker Jim and his traveling companion a whore named Bess the Best.

What was she best at you ask?

Well Bess was missing her two front and bottom teeth and it made the perfect opening for a man's prick.

Well I don't know your Jezebelle so I couldn't compare her techniques, now can I sir. . . now should I continue the story or do you want to know more about Bess?

What? You want to know more about Bess, well fuck you guys! I can see my tales not worth much to you. . . guess I'll be on my way then. . . maybe over near Bandallon they'll appreciate a good tale.

Fine, I'll finish for you mi lady.

Well the Hustlers had some loaded dice and spying the Dwarf's coin purse had set him for an easy mark and were soon way ahead of the Astonishing Jonathon Biggs who had through the bad luck that only loaded dice can bring had lost a small fortune and it was about three in the morning when Jonathon realized he was down about twenty dragons to the hustlers, and as he began to sober up realized what a terrible situation he was in.

He decided that his only chance was to continue to act pissed and make a wager so unbelievable that the hustlers would have to take it. After talking for awhile and striking a bargain with the Hustlers the Dwarf went up to the tavern owner and bet him 5 dragons that he could pee into a shot glass from six feet away without spilling a drop.

So the Shot glass was placed at the end of the bar and Jonathon got up and started pissing everywhere, on the bar, on the floor, hitting everywhere but the shot glass and the whole time the tavern owner is laughing his ass off.

As Jonathon paid the man, he inquired about why he had made such a silly bet, but Jonathon only smiled and pointed to the two hustlers in the corner. It turned out that the dwarf had bet the Hustlers thirty-five dragons that he could piss all over the bar and floor with the owner doing nothing but laughing the whole time.

The Dwarf then started singing and dancing about Ser Kenneth and the Bloody Chickens and pretty soon the whole tavern was having a hell of a time and after quite a few rounds, just shy of one hundred men had signed on for good pay and good times as a member of the Bloody Chickens.

So that my friends is how the Astonishing Jonathon Biggs made twenty dragons disappear and thirty return and through Song and Dance recruited the first members of the Bloody Chicken Company.

Results:
Ser Kenneth Hand to Hand to Apprentice (including RP)
Ser Kenneth Deception to Novice (including RP)
Jonathon Deception to Expert (including RP)
Jonathon Espionage to Expert (including RP)

The Bloody Chickens are formed with 100 men-at-arms.

[Ser Kenneth Coyn]

Ser Kenneth the Knight of Coin

Tell us a story you say. . . pish can't a man just enjoy an ale once in a while? Its not like I didn't just tell you one not twenty minutes ago.

Fine, but after that you'll leave me alone right?

Okay, so once upon a time their was this lovely maiden who was imprisoned in a high high tower and this princess . . .

What? You don't want to hear a story about a dainty princess?

Well how do you know she is dainty? This princess might have razor sharp teeth and like to eat little children that ask for too many stories.

Hey what are you kids doing in a tavern anyways?

I don't care if your mum is a serving wench that doesn't mean she should be leaving you in this shoddy place. . . whose your mum anyways?

Oh really, and how old are you?

Seven? Hmmmm, five, six, seven, your birthday isn't in august is it?

It is? Well ain't that fantastic. . . say how'd you like to learn about how Ser Kenneth got the name the Knight of Coin?

Because he was a sell sword you say. . . who told you that? It was Peachy wasn't it? I tell you what Peachy couldn't find his ass in the dark with two hands and the crone herself lighting the way.

No, while that miserable cunt Peachy is right that Ser Kenneth was a sellsword Knight, the name stems from when he battled the Champion of Pentos, a Ser Gilgamesh for the fate of the city.

Ser Kenneth as Peachy probably told you fought for the Tyroshi against Braavos, and it was a couple of months after Ser Kenneth had saved their sell sword army at the Battle of the Pentoshi Roads that the Free Alliance, thats what they called themselves, had laid siege to the City of Pentos for months and months but Pentos had walls that were forty feet high and forty feet thick and no one in their right mind would storm the city, not even a forked beard Tyroshi cur.

Well after some time the merchants of Pentos were getting pretty upset since the war was hurting their trade and they demanded their leadership end the conflict and so they decided they would challenge the Free Alliance to a battle of champions and if they won then the Alliance would leave and if they lost they would throw open the city to the Free Alliance and join their cause.

Well Pentos wasn't that concerned since their champion was this Ser. . uh what did I say it was? Ser Gilgamesh right. Well Ser Gilgamesh was 9 feet tall with legs the size of tree trunks and he rode on a horse the size of an auroch and jousted with a twenty foot lance.

Well none of the yellow Free Alliance sell swords wanted to fight this Ser Gilgamesh monster, and the Tyroshi General was about to decline when Ser Kenneth not a year past his 19th name day said he would fight.

So the young Ser Kenneth put on his Rooster Head helm and his golden hued plate mail and rode out under the forty foot walls of Pentos to fight their champion to decide the fate of the city.

And the army of Pentos laughed when they saw him because Ser Kenneth was only a boy you see and well with his helm and all he did kind of look like a giant chicken.

So the Pentoshi Champion, uh . . . Ser Gilgamesh yes thank you laughed and then said, "What is your name boy? Cause I don't recognize your banner?"

And Ser Kenneth replied, "I am Ser Kenneth Coyn, remember it for because of me, Pentos will earn its freedom from its Braavosi slavemasters."

And with that the two knights charged at one another at great speed the Pentoshi Champion's horse's hooves thundering on the wide plains. . .

No Ser Kenneth didn't knock him from his horse you little snot nosed brat, no wonder your father ran away.

No children Ser Kenneth was young and hadn't become the skilled Jouster yet, that monstrous Pentoshi Champion, uh. . . yes... yes... Ser Gilgamesh thank you and his twenty foot lance delivered a powerful blow right to Ser Kenneth's head. A blow that would have instantly killed a normal man but not Ser Kenneth.

It turns out that the Rooster Headed helm that the master smith Codswallow had made had a reenforced beak and the mighty blow that the Champion of Pentos landed hit him square on the beak and rather then killing him instantly, the nose bent up and probably saved Ser Kenneth's life.

Still shaken from the monstrous hit that uh. . . Ser Gilgamesh. . . right just making sure you were paying attention landed, Ser Kenneth battled with their champion for hours under the walls trading blow after blow with the 9 foot Pentoshi monster.

Eventually Ser Kenneth manage to fell the man and with it their was an enormous cheer on both sides as the armies celebrated an epic battle between the great Ser Kenneth and uh that other guy.

And as the gates of the city were thrown open to the Free Alliance the sell swords started shouting Knight of Coin. . . Knight of Coin . . . Knight of Coin since the men way in the back did not know it was supposed to Coyn and was his house's name.

Anyways soon, all of the other sell swords started calling him that and of course Jonathon talked it up when announcing him and the name kind of stuck ever since.

Results:
Ser Kenneth to Master Lance
Ser Kenneth improves towards Grandmaster Longblades
Jonathon to Expert Story Telling
Jonathon to Expert Charm

[Ser Kenneth Coyn]

Ser Kenneth and the Almost True Recount of the Battle of Lorath

The Battle of Lorath? Of course I heard of it, a man doesn't become a storyteller of my renown without knowing a bit of history. I guess I have the time for a brief tale if you got the coin for an ale.

Bah, this beer tastes like piss but a beggar can't be a chooser now can he Old Tom? Thats right man when it rains it pours.

So after the fall of Pentos the Tyroshi Captain General Antonious Laughius, no seriously his last name was Laughius.

Its the truth or may lighting strike me down. . .

What you ain't never seen lighting strike indoors? I have and its a freaky sight, but I digress.

So, this Tyroshi Captain General decided that the Free Alliance should set its next designs on Lorath with a dangerous sea invasion.

Ser Kenneth's ship landed first and he immediately charged the 5000 Traitor Son's that had set to defend Lorath.

Yes the very same company that Talyn Thatcher formed. Course the Lord Hand was dead by this point.

So Kenneth and his Bloody Chickens and the gigantic Lyseni Lancer Iagon fell onto the sellswords defending Lorath and it did not go well for the Chickens as they were soon surrounded and fighting line after line of the sell swords and up to their waists in bloody death.

Some of Kenneth's Chicken's tried to run but they were cut down by the men following them from the other boats.

Eventually, Ser Kenneth and Iagon were able to rally some of the men and made a charge right for the heart of the Traitor Son's smashing deep into their lines until Ser Kenneth and their commander was locked in a deadly battle. The men fought on horse Ser Kenneth and the Traitor Son Captain trading blow after blow until Ser Kenneth finally bested the man and he and Iagon chased what remained of the Traitor Son's back to the walls of Lorath.

And while the Lorath army was still running, Ser Kenneth and Iago charged the citiy's gatehouse and the Lyseni Lancer held the porticullis open until the rest of the army could make its way into the city.

And Ser Kenneth fought on attempting to avenge every fallen man with a hundred of the enemy, and he would of almost done it to if it hadn't been for the Lorathi army surrendering.

All in all it was a grusome battle for the Free Alliance but Ser Kenneth learned a thing or two about how to outmaneuver the enemy and use numbers to his advantage. His twenty Knights fought off 6,000 men and secured another victory for the Free. . .

What? You thought I said 5,000 earlier? Well it was 6,000 men but anyways whats the difference?

What's that now, speak up if your going to say something.

My story is a load of what? Shit you say?

You heard that Ser Kenneth ran like a little girl back to the boat?

Thats pure nonsense, who told you that?

You were there?

As what? Were you a horse in a former life or something?

Thats not language you should use in front of a lady mister and while there might be a few exaggerations in my tale. . . okay more then a few. . . but exaggerations you can fix.

You sir are damn ugly and you can't fix ugly.

Easy now big fella, no reason to get upset with me because your mother didn't love you as a child. . .

And you were so ugly the dog wouldn't even play with you. . .

Well thanks folks. . . you been a great audience. . . ahhh help. . . think I'll be on my way. . . good bye and fuck you Coldmoat.

Results:
Ser Kenneth gains Noteworthy Battle
Jonathon gains Master Storytelling

[Ser Kenneth Coyn]

Ser Kenneth and the Son's of Death

Yo ho, Yo ho a sellswords life for me. . . now wasn't that a nice ditty?

No, well fuck you too, I ain't seen you compose nothing but cow manure, you ingrate.

Say speaking of sellswords, have you all heard the one about Ser Kenneth and the Son's of Death?

Well as its well known when old man Thatcher bit it, most of his company the Traitor Son's. . . yeah boo boo the Traitor sons, ha ha.

Well most of Thatcher's Traitor Son's split and went overseas as sell swords, there were the Son's of Death and uh the Son's of Life.

You heard them called the Son's of Light? Well fine you can call them the Son's of not important to this story so shut the fuck up and drink your beer.

Anyways these Son's of Death which were the most ruthless members of Thatcher's Black armored thugs went to Lorath and it was here where they ran into Ser Kenneth.

Ser Kenneth had went to their camp after the battle to congratulate them on their defense of the city. That might seem odd to us to congratulate the enemy but a sellswords loyalty is temporary and at least these men were from Westeros.

Course Ser Kenneth gets there and the Son's of Death Captain starts disrespecting Ser Kenneth calling him the usual insults Captain Chicken Fucker and Ser Cockhead.

You know the usual and Ser Kenneth is trying to stay calm despite the insult but then he reminds the Captain that at least he wasn't happy to be killing women and children like the Traitor Son's had done at least a half a dozen times o'er in the North and Riverlands.

Well the Son's of Death Captain didn't take too kindly to this reminder and plunged his blade into Kenneth's friend Iagon the Lyseni Lancer, felling the giant immediately.

Ser Kenneth raising his sword against his fallen friend was soon fighting twenty Traitor Son's at a time.

With a slash slash here and a crash crash here, here a slash there a crash. . . Kenneth fought his way through all twenty of the Son's of Death until finding his way back to the rival Captain.

The Captain was frantic having seen Kenneth cut through twenty of his men and was yelling for every and any man to come and take Kenneth down.

But not one dared, for they saw in his eyes that Ser Kenneth had the fire of the Warrior in him and that any who rose up would be struck down.

And the terrified Captain tried to lunge at Kenneth and the Knight of Coin kept backing the man up as every blow the Son's of Death Captain tried to land was beaten back.

Finally, it was his fellow Traitor Son's that done the Captain in, they grabbed him and ripped him limbs off one at a time and beat the callous man with his own arm and legs.

Yeah, I know miss its a disturbing image but thats the way it went down, I swear. . . so with the Captain out of the way Ser Kenneth gave one of his best speeches ever.

Telling the former Son's of Death that its not about dieing on the field of battle but making the other poor cocksucker die and that they could reclaim their stained honor by fighting with him as he and the Bloody Chickens moved the Free Alliance forward to the inevitable battle against Braavos and put the Freedom back in the Free Cities to help them overthrow their Braavosi overlords.

Word is some of the former Traitor Son's broke down right there and started to cry like a baby and they thanked Kenneth for giving them a second chance to begin their life a new.

What you ain't never seen a grown man cry? Well sir then you obviously never tasted Petra's Spicy Sausage. That'll make any man cry and shit fire to boot.

Results:
Kenneth Improves Towards Grandmaster Longblades (2nd Scenario/ 2nd battle)

[Ser Kenneth Coyn]

The Astonishing Jonathon Biggs, Something for Nothing

And thank you Emelia, she's a beautiful woman ain't she fellas? Full figured in all the right places am I right? Come on fellas am I right?

Emelia your like a warm Strawberry Pie. . . yum. . yum. . yum. . yum.. makes me just want to eat you all up.

Maybe later? Allright sweetling I'll hold you to it.

Say this little contest here reminds me of another story, you want to here it?

Well it'll cost you a drink, no one but the Lord's firstborn son gets something for nothing friends.

Fantastic, your a hospitable bunch, probably cause you got all these lovely wenches to contend with every ev'ning. A man could drink himself to death in this shit hole tavern and still die with a smile on his face thanks to all these beauties.

Well this is a little known story, one I heard from the Astonishing Jonathon Biggs himself

Of course I met him. . . we've been tight since Jonathon was knee high to a grasshopper. . . Shit I practically taught him everything he knows. Well except that little move I do with my tongue, ladies thats a trade secret and that trick dies with me.

Well this story takes place in Storm's End, when Ser Kenneth was fighting with the Free Alliance in Pentos. The Knight of Coin sent Jonathon with a ship to get some more Westerosi boys because the Free City queers fought like little girls.

Thats right, Jhor Jhor or whatever the fuck your name is, I said you all fight like little girls. You going to do something about it? Thats what I fucking thought.

Anyways Jonathon came to Storm's End to recruit some men for the Bloody Chickens. Course back then the Bloody Chickens weren't well known so it took a real smooth operator to talk a man into joining an outfit called the Bloody Chickens.

Course we know that the Astonishing Jonathon Biggs is the smoothest talker on either side of the Narrow Sea and could sell a man back his own dead horse for a golden dragon and the man would thank him for it afterwards.

Yet despite Jonathon's gift for gab the dwarf was having a pretty hard time of selling the men of Storm's End on joining a sellsword company.

He tried all the tricks, stories, songs, drinking contests nothing worked the men would listen to the stories but they wouldn't be joining up with no dwarf and his Bloody Chickens.

So Jonathon came up with this idea of a Beauty Contest and he starts talking up this contest and promising all the wenches a golden dragon to the winner and soon there was quite a crowd forming.

The was this very busty blonde, a petite red head with a pretty face, a raven haired girl with piercing eyes, an older Brunette that had a body that could stop a full on calvary charge from a hundered paces because everyone would fall over staring at her, another red head with freckles and a very rotund and busty black haired woman.

So Jonathon gets all these lovely ladies on the stage, and the girls are really raring to go since they all want that Dragon and the competition is really fierce. Jonathon told me that the two red heads almost went to blows.

Anyways the girls and the crowd is really getting worked up and Jonathon is playing on this and says that its too close to call and that they would need to have a final round near the docks to pick a winner and what it would take to win was more then was decent for a public square.

He told all the men and the women to come to his ship at night and bring their coin purse.

So with everyone talking about the event that night, Jonathon goes to the tavern owner and buys a dozen kegs of ale and rolls them down to his ship.

Jonathon then sits down at the gang plank and monitors people coming and going. Men that looked liked they could fight were allowed in free of charge, and everyone else had to pay ten stags.

Once on the ship the men drank for free, or at least they thought, with Jonathon handing out drinks to the young squires that were there for the tournament and other fighting men. Jonathon insisted that any man with a weapon leave it with him while onboard for safety of course.

So the ladies get to dancing and showing their stuff and the men get to drinking a lot. The feeble ones, or ones that looked like they might be Lordling types, Jonathon had thrown onto shore and the ones that looked like they could handle a blade or were squires for a poor Knight were taken down to the bunks to sleep it off.

When the bunks were full, Kenneth whisked the ladies away and had the Pentoshi Captain weigh anchor and pull out of port.

They were about 100 miles from shore before the first one woke up. Jonathon told them all that they owed him for the drinks which caused quite a stir of course since they thought they were all getting something for nothing.

Thats when Jonathon said the only man that gets something for nothing is the Lord's firstborn son and they would have to work off their debt with the Bloody Chickens.

A couple of men complained, but Jonathon stuck them with his daggers and threw their body overboard and the rest fell into line when Jonathon said that if they come willing like he would forget about the debt and even pay them a salary.

Sure it wasn't a very honorable thing to do but Jonathon did give the boys a good time and he promised some of the younger squires that Kenneth would outfit them and even make'em a knight if they fought well and course none of them seen the salary that the Bloody Chickens could offer.

The moral of the story fellas is that if an offer looks too good to be true it probably is and beware dwarfs bearing free ale.

Results:
Jonathon to Master Deception

Bloody Chickens Gain 7 Knights at a cost of 28 GD
Bloody Chickens Gain 36 Men at Arms at a Cost of 12 GD

[Ser Kenneth Coyn]

Kenneth Coyn and the Unsullied

And so I say to the woman, that's not a duck, this is a duck. Ha ha ha.

So what do you say we change pace now a moment and I'll tell you the story of Kenneth Coyn at the Battle of the Pentos-Norvos Road, when the Bloody Chickens faced one thousand Unsullied and won the day for the Free Alliance. . . even though they were out numbered and been stabbed in the back by a friend.

Who are the Unsullied? Well they are ferocious slave warriors from Astarpore, men who fight with their penis' cutoff.

How well do they fight you say? Well you ever seen a bull fight when he's been castrated? That's how these men fight, like they don't have anything more left to lose.

Now Kenneth knew that these guys were up to no good as he had been visited by the Ambassador of Qohor who was trying to get him to defect, but of course Ser Kenneth was too honorable to be bribed so he stayed true.

The Astonishing Jonathon Biggs had investigated the area but the Dwarf being a bit cranky on account of being woken up in the middle of the night, missed all the signs of the biggest betrayal, despite drinking and singing with the man for half the night.

While Jonathon had found out that the sneaky ambassador of Qorth had gotten one of the other Free Alliance Companies drunk, he had not expected to be betrayed by his old friend Quinno the Volantis Crossbowmen, that Kenneth's Chickens had fought with in countless battles before.

Right in the heart of the battle Quinno's Crossbowmen, fired their arrows right into the rear of the Bloody Chickens, the betrayal hurt Ser Kenneth so badly that he lost his normal cool demeanor and took off straight for the man cutting a wedge twenty men thick until he was face to face with the man.

"Why'd you betray us Quinno?" Kenneth said but the Volantis man only laughed which further enraged the Knight of Coin.

The two circled for what seemed like ages before the younger Kenneth finally got a blow. Kenneth moved to kill the man but at the last instant the Volantis man asked for quarter and despite his rage Kenneth held off and allowed the man to live.

Why'd he do that you say? Well you know Knights are supposed to live up to a higher standard, and Ser Kenneth thought it was the right thing to do?

Well after Ser Kenneth defeated Quinno, he went on to tear the Norvosi Axeman a part. He charged head first into their lines leading with his lance before breaking off and killing their commander. It was all that his second Brandon Red Rivers could do to hold the company together as first the axemen and then the Unsullied Warriors collided with the Bloody Chickens.

Now Ser Kenneth knew that the Unsullied would never retreat, cause they already lost their balls so most of them actually look forward to dieing.

Kenneth yelled to Red Rivers to keep the company together while he had time to get in combat with the Qohorik Commander.

The Commanders of Qohor fight with a ridiculous plume ten feet tall comes from some large bird they have in the Summer Islands or something. The taller the plume the more important the family or so they say.

Who says? Well you ever been the Qorth? . . .No? Well then I say. . . so why don't you be a good man and fetch me another ale. Ehh Cough Cough Cock Sucker, eh excuse me seems I got something in my throat.

Well this Qohorik man was huge with a plume the size of the man himself, but Ser Kenneth was too good for him too and he knocked the man out in three blows.

With the Commander dead, the man's Lieutenant ordered a withdraw cause they didn't want to end up like their commander.

With the Unsullied retreating the rest of their army withdrew as well and that is how the Bloody Chickens and Ser Kenneth beat back a thousand Unsullied Warriors and saved the day for the Free Alliance despite being betrayed by a friend.

Results:
Ser Kenneth improves towards Grand Master Lance
Ser Kenneth improves to Noteworthy Intrigue (Scenario RP)
Jonathon improves to Expert Singing (RP)
Jonathon improves to Noteworthy Drinking (RP)

[Ser Kenneth Coyn]

Ser Kenneth Coyn and the Crossbow Ambush

Ladies. . . Gentlemen. . . and Fredrick. . . ha ha just kidding old pal. . . gather close and I'll tell a tale of treachery, deceipt, cunning, bravery and romance. . .

No its not about the time Fredrick paid 4 silver stags for a quick tug from a wench that turned out to be a man. . . this ain't a tragedy friends its the tale of Ser Kenneth and the Crossbow ambush.

As you'll recall Ser Kenneth had already proven himself at the battle of the Pentos-Norvos Road with his Bloody Chickens prevailing despite the Treachery of Quinno the Volante Crossbowman. . . and even though the man was responsible for causing heavy losses to his host, Kenneth spared his treacherous hide when he asked for quarter. . .that means he surrendered. . . Fredrick you dunce.

Well Kenneth knew that the Free Alliance needed to hire more men if they were to be successful against Braavos and figured if he could recover some of that gold they paid Quinno it would go a long way in replacing and outfitting his men.

And being the kind of sort to forgive he even promised to let Quinno keep some of it, if he would tell him where it was.

So the Crossbowmen led them out to where he hid the gold, but while Kenneth was a forgiving sort, he wasn't born yesterday and brought a good contingent of men with him in case the Volante men did anything sinister, which he did.

Cause Ser Kenneth and Jonathon and the men had not traveled more then three leagues to where the sellsword had hidden the Gold when Kenneth and his party was under an intense Crossbow attack.

I mean their were quarrels everywhere. . . the air was as thick with quarrels as flies on fresh Auroch shit.

Probably everyman would have died in that ambush if the Astonishing Jonathon Biggs hadn't seen the glint of steel and gotten most of the men to fall on their chests before the first volley.

It seemed that Quinno had shared the location of the Gold with his Lieutenants and figured they'd be ready for them when Kenneth tried to collect.

So Kenneth and Jonathon were crawling low on the ground, kind of like how Frederick tries to leave the scene when he's short on his bar tab.

You can picture it now eh, Gregory? Maybe put an ale on his tab for me?

No? Well alright. . . so where was I?

Right so Kenneth and Jonathon and the rest of the Bloody Chickens were pulling a Fredrick to get out of this crossbow ambush and there are quarrels landing every which way.

Eventually they get behind some cover. . .thats a hiding place Frederick. . . kind of like that rock your crawled out from under. . . man you really are dense aren't you?

Dense. . . you know stupid, simple, dimwitted, slow, obtuse, you know the lights are on but no one's home up there.

And if you interupt me again to ask a stupid question, I'll take your dopey looking face and shove it up your arse.

So Kenneth and his men are hiding behind this cov. . . I mean rock formation and Kenneth knows that they are going to have to fight their way out of there or they'd eventually cut them down.

So Kenneth waited for the crossbowmen to fire their volley and then ordered his men to charge and they ran as fast as they could across the road to where they were hiding.

Course when this happened most of those Volantis cowards started to run away including Quinno, course Jonathon had enough of his treacherous ass so the dwarf ran as fast as his little Dwarf legs would carry him and cut Quinno into a hundred ribbons.

When the skirmish. . . thats another name for a battle Frederick so don't even ask. . . ended must have been three hundred Crossbowmen dead on the road to maybe six Bloody Chickens.

Fortunately for Kenneth though, Quinno and his men hadn't had time to move all the Gold away. . . in fact thats what they had been doing when Kenneth and the men stumbled upon them.

So in the end Kenneth's decision to reject the ambassadors offer and remain true and honorable and his decision to spare Quinno's life paid off well as their was close to a thousand dragons in all.

So the moral of the story is follow your heart and do whats right and you'll end up coming out ahead in the end even if the odds look bad.

Now wasn't that a nice story. . . worth a copper star or two?

Where was the romance you say?

Well thats an excellent question sweetling, why don't you come over here and sit on my lap for awhile and then we'll finish the story upstairs.

Results:
Ser Kenneth to Master Battle
Ser Kenneth to Expert Persuasion (RP negotiations)
Jonathon improves Master Espionage
Jonathon improves to Grandmaster Story Telling

Bloody Chickens collect 1000 GD (Recoved Crossbow share and Ransom Money)
Bloody Chickens lose 6 Knights