Post by The Stranger on Apr 20, 2008 12:12:00 GMT -5
“Get the fuck up you lolly gaggers, we got things to do,” a man yelled in the early morning. Aww the army, Baldric thought, it was about the same as he remembered it, wake up early, run here, run there, wait for the sergeants to get their heads out of their asses to tell you what to do, and then yell at you for not doing it sooner.
Today the men got some training in their basic weapons of sword and crossbow. Baldric watched the man explain it to the “unblooded” how Baldric described the sick collection of old men and boys that had been called up when the Far Reach called for their whole army.
Baldric listened to the man explain the motions of the longsword to the starry eyed youths. The man was a fucking moron, Baldric thought, but he didn’t say anything, but he shook his head as he taught the new recruits to swing high with their sword arm. Finally Baldric couldn’t take it anymore.
“Your gonna git them all fuckin killed,” Baldric said.
“What d’ya say?” the instructor said.
“I said ya gonna get e’ryone fuckin’ killed teaching them a high swing. What you really want to do is a short stab,” Baldric motioned with his arm to demonstrate, “that way you can keep your shield up high and you can git them in the leg which is likely unprotected. Then when they fall you can stab them just as nice as you please.”
“And who the fuck do you think you are?” the man said clearly irritated.
“I am a fucking nobody,” Baldric said, ‘but I noe how to kill a man quick as you please.”
The man laughed. “Oh yeah prove it.” Baldric went up there grabbed the training sword and took a ready stance. The instructor moved in with a high strike, Baldric ducked, whacked the man across the hamstrings and then again in the back as the man fell forward.
“Ya see what I mean now?” Baldric asked the rest of the class, “low blows giv ya mor’ balance and let you avoid the other sap that’s been taught to hit high also. Course it always helps when the guy your fighting is as a slow as an Auroch.” Baldric laughed at the instructor’s expense.
Baldric gave some more pointers to the unblooded for the rest of the morning and then waited for instruction in crossbow in the afternoon. Baldric liked the crossbow he saw it as the great fucking equalizer. Sure the knights had horses and armor and shit but a good well placed crossbow bolt will take them down just like felling a big tree.
It didn’t take a lot of brains to wind and fire a crossbow which is why it was the primary weapon of choice for the small folk. Wind, point and shoot and people died, it didn’t get any better then that.
Baldric hadn’t touched a crossbow in months but it felt good to place it back in his hands. He decimated his straw target aiming for under the arms, the throat and other joints, the locations most likely to be unprotected and could restrict the movement of the attacker.
His friend Stutters struggled with the crossbow it kept flying all over the place as his grip was as shaky as his words. “I ka .. ka. can’t do it Ba. . . Ba. . . Baldric,” he said.
“Sure you can,” he grabbed the crossbow from him. “See your problem is that your holding it too gentle, its not some delicate maid your trying to court, it’s a raunchy old wench that is ready for a good hard rodgering. Fucking hold it like you mean it,” Baldric said.
Lyman grabbed the crossbow again and fired, the shot was better but still terrible.
“Well Stutters, maybe you ain’t made to be a crossbowmen. If your ever in battle aim for the fucking horses their easier to hit,” he patted his friend’s shoulder and continued on.
The men that Baldric was with, trained for another week, in weapons and basic military commands and then they were off, loaded onto a boat and headed for Dorne. None of them knew that the war was over, but given the quality of the men being trained, it probably was a good thing.
Results:
Baldric improves to Expert Longsword
Baldric improves to Expert Crossbow
Today the men got some training in their basic weapons of sword and crossbow. Baldric watched the man explain it to the “unblooded” how Baldric described the sick collection of old men and boys that had been called up when the Far Reach called for their whole army.
Baldric listened to the man explain the motions of the longsword to the starry eyed youths. The man was a fucking moron, Baldric thought, but he didn’t say anything, but he shook his head as he taught the new recruits to swing high with their sword arm. Finally Baldric couldn’t take it anymore.
“Your gonna git them all fuckin killed,” Baldric said.
“What d’ya say?” the instructor said.
“I said ya gonna get e’ryone fuckin’ killed teaching them a high swing. What you really want to do is a short stab,” Baldric motioned with his arm to demonstrate, “that way you can keep your shield up high and you can git them in the leg which is likely unprotected. Then when they fall you can stab them just as nice as you please.”
“And who the fuck do you think you are?” the man said clearly irritated.
“I am a fucking nobody,” Baldric said, ‘but I noe how to kill a man quick as you please.”
The man laughed. “Oh yeah prove it.” Baldric went up there grabbed the training sword and took a ready stance. The instructor moved in with a high strike, Baldric ducked, whacked the man across the hamstrings and then again in the back as the man fell forward.
“Ya see what I mean now?” Baldric asked the rest of the class, “low blows giv ya mor’ balance and let you avoid the other sap that’s been taught to hit high also. Course it always helps when the guy your fighting is as a slow as an Auroch.” Baldric laughed at the instructor’s expense.
Baldric gave some more pointers to the unblooded for the rest of the morning and then waited for instruction in crossbow in the afternoon. Baldric liked the crossbow he saw it as the great fucking equalizer. Sure the knights had horses and armor and shit but a good well placed crossbow bolt will take them down just like felling a big tree.
It didn’t take a lot of brains to wind and fire a crossbow which is why it was the primary weapon of choice for the small folk. Wind, point and shoot and people died, it didn’t get any better then that.
Baldric hadn’t touched a crossbow in months but it felt good to place it back in his hands. He decimated his straw target aiming for under the arms, the throat and other joints, the locations most likely to be unprotected and could restrict the movement of the attacker.
His friend Stutters struggled with the crossbow it kept flying all over the place as his grip was as shaky as his words. “I ka .. ka. can’t do it Ba. . . Ba. . . Baldric,” he said.
“Sure you can,” he grabbed the crossbow from him. “See your problem is that your holding it too gentle, its not some delicate maid your trying to court, it’s a raunchy old wench that is ready for a good hard rodgering. Fucking hold it like you mean it,” Baldric said.
Lyman grabbed the crossbow again and fired, the shot was better but still terrible.
“Well Stutters, maybe you ain’t made to be a crossbowmen. If your ever in battle aim for the fucking horses their easier to hit,” he patted his friend’s shoulder and continued on.
The men that Baldric was with, trained for another week, in weapons and basic military commands and then they were off, loaded onto a boat and headed for Dorne. None of them knew that the war was over, but given the quality of the men being trained, it probably was a good thing.
Results:
Baldric improves to Expert Longsword
Baldric improves to Expert Crossbow