The Tourney of the Bards

[Horas]

A grand pavillion of striped green and white silk rises above the surrounding tournament grounds. Inside are all manner of merrymakers, most facing a raised platform at one end of the tent.

A general challenge has been issued to the tourney-goers and the city at large. Singers, muscisians, and tellers of tall tales have all been invited to the Tourney of the Bards, where each man or woman will have a chance to prove their worth to the assembled crowd. At the end of the night, the crowd will determine the winner and crown him King of the Singers.

[Deleted]

Mad Alliser Redfort rode in on his cow, carrying his harp. He immediately shoved the others out of the way, took center stage, and went into a spirited rendition of "The Cow and The Squire Fair."

[sethgreyjoy]

The Sunset man, from the Masquerade Ball is one of the first to make an appearance at the tent, signing his name as "The Marvelous Salemandrus". He moves to the back to await the games.

[sagewolf]

A skinny, frail-looking man approaches the pavilion and signs himself up. Gervis the Minstrel Is the name he chooses.

[Horas]

As the cow knight belts out a spirited rendition of a bizarre song, Symond jots his own name down as Symond the Singer, Epic Bard.

Then he turns to greet his competition. "Welcome, friends. I am Symond, humble organizer of this fine event," Symond says with a smile, "Who are you?"

[syd]

Rhett Flowers signs up for this, carrying his now-famous instrument.

[Deleted]

Up on stage Mad Alliser rapped "My Dead Pink Pony", beatboxing throughout the song.

[Horas]

The crowd cheers as Alliser finishes. His lyrics were a bit too strange for some, but many more enjoyed the contrast of familiar melodies and the crazy ramblings of a madman. A man moves the cow out of the way.

Symond hops on a platform in the middle of the room.

"Next up, we have a masked man of mystery... The Marvelous Salemandrus!"

[sethgreyjoy]

Salemandrus swept up to the stage, his cloaks swishing lovingly against the ground. He stood for a moment, over seeing his audience, before taking out his harp.

It was larger than a standard hand-harp, seemed to be wrought of fine wood, and seemed to span several octaves. He began plucking at it. Slowly at first, but building it, layer by layer into an extravagant chord progression. The melody was haunting and oddly alluring.

Then, in a clear and high falsetto, Salemandrus began singing an accompaniment. It was sorrowful but clear and one could not help but feel the hairs stand on end.

" Come ye now children, I play ye a song
Concerning of all things, but not quite so long
As to bore you to senselessness, stupor or dull
But I bare you my soul, and it cannot annul.

Traveling lands, both far and wide
I have seen bitter struggle and slaughter beside
Though my heart weeps for children alone in a bed
With no parents to keep them, for they are all dead.

All Dead, All Dead, say the children of old
One cannot express how the sadness unfolds
All Dead, All Dead, I'm a man who must give
Though my story ends here, I beg that I live."

He had spanned an impressive few octaves during the course of song, and some had been reduced to tears. And just like that, he was off the stage, in a furl of color.

[Deleted]

Mad Alliser then began his real competition song. It was an old hit of his, "My Ire". It had won great cheers at Casterly Rock.

"Big tornadoes, white knights, strong perfume, piggy farms,
Stag country, wench-playing, moon tea
Dragonslayer, sad lovers, bedding your ugly mother
Hornet stinging, bad singing, fat honey-stealing bees
Stomach flu, bad jousts, doors that jam, flat breasts,
Smug knights and proud queens, food that takes too long to bake
Wilting flowers, poxy whores, people who are just mean
Kings screeching, sparrows preaching, morons like the Dragonslayer!

"These things provoke my ire!
If my ears start steaming
You'll be running, screaming
My face is full of fire
Like I drank pepper-wine
This bull you can't lasso!"

[Deleted]

OOC: Alliser was just fooling around in the beginning, when the contest hadn't started yet.

[Horas]

"Rather splendid!" Symond says with a grin, jumping nimbly back onto his platform. "Next we have Gervis the Minstrel! A humble name, but we'll let his singing do the talking for him!"

[sagewolf]

Gervis nervously got to the stage, his arms folded in front of him. He had his eyes closed.

Slowly he withdrew his lute. He had had it strapped onto his back. He was in his middle years, but his manner made him seem much older.

He then began fingering the neck of the instrument, thrumming along. Eventually this built into the man playing vibrato on his lute, the sound was very odd and jarring. He began to play so fast that one could only fear the instrument would have been shredded to bits by his fingers.

When he was done, he strapped his lute to his back and walked off stage and feinted.

[Deleted]

Mad Alliser whooped and did a dance to the lute.

Thinking that the singer fainted, Alliser dumped a pitcher of cold milk on him.

[Horas]

Symond does a graceful forward tumble onto the stage, then turns to address the audience. Symond sang on the street long before he sung to any high lords, and had some idea about the type of songs that were most popular. "I give an ode to the great," He declares, then begins strumming his lute.

"I am here to sing today,
Of the greatest men of all,
Men to put us all to shame,
As long as they were tall!

I don't sing of Ser Arthur Dayne,
Nor Barristan the Bold,
But of those smooth individuals,
Whose tales are rarely told!

Ser Lucamore the lusty,
Charmed seven thousand wives,
Left seven thousand angry men,
Come after him with knives!

The great Lord Ossifer Plumm,
His cock was six feet long,
It took eight women just to please him,
And now he's in my song!

So gentlemen I implore you,
Learn from these men and this bard,
No matter who wins this tourney,
Find a maid and love her hard!"


Symond bows and walks off the stage.